Twenty Questions
by Romulan Empress
Summary: The twins' latest game is Guess Who Kyouya Likes and Tamaki is the victim. Now the king must guess who Kyouya likes within one week using only twenty yes or no questions. Hilarity ensues.


This is my second Ouran fic in less than a week. Wow. As for the technical details, you can probably guess the pairing, but that's okay. Most of the story is in Tamaki's POV, except the beginning and the end, which do not have a specific character focus. That should be all. Please enjoy it.

"But it's pretty easy to tell when people like other people, most of the time," Kaoru told a wide-eyed Haruhi. 

"For example, you would never think that Mori and Honey like anyone else, right?" Hikaru drawled.

"And the girls who come to the Host Club have their favorites as well. I am sure you have received some love letters of your own," Kaoru smirked.

"Largely because we stole them from the trashcan, of course," Hikaru muttered.

"And then there are boring people like Kyouya-sempai over there who is in love with his laptop," Kaoru finished, pointing at the boy who was sitting on the other side of the music room, hunched over his laptop.

"I love a human, thank you very much," Kyouya said icily, skewering the first-year trio with the glare from his glasses.

"Oh, you can hear us," Kaoru said in a very small voice. However, he was spared Kyouya's wrath by a very loud, blonde interruption.

"Mommy likes someone? Who is it? Who is it?" Tamaki demanded, jumping in front of Kyouya and bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"You are intelligent, as imbecilic as you act," Kyouya said with boredom, pushing his glasses up. "Figure it out."

"Alright!" Hikaru cried, dramatically thrusting a fist into the air. "It's time for the 'Guess Who Kyouya-sempai Likes' Game!" Kyouya looked up, glasses glinting evilly. Hikaru chose to ignore the implied death threat. "You are allowed to ask twenty yes-or-no questions and if you figure it out by the end of the week, you get the special not-released-until-next-year Fujioka Haruhi doujinshi!"

"This is the Amusement Park Special too," Kaoru mused, holding it carefully out of his lord's reach.

"Acceptable," Kyouya said, slamming his laptop shut. The twins, Haruhi, and Tamaki all turned to him in surprise.

"You're really okay with this?" Haruhi asked in surprise. Before Kyouya could answer, Tamaki cut in once again.

"Is it Haruhi?" he asked, fury dripping from every word as he leaned over the table, cornering the shorter boy.

"No," Kyouya answered shortly, not fazed by the king's antics.

"Okay, good," Tamaki said, all smiles once more. "Mothers should not love their daughters, after all."

"Nineteen questions left," Kyouya said, making a tick mark in his notebook and showing it to Tamaki. The king nodded, slightly intimidated by the businesslike nature of his best friend.

"Got it," he said, and left the music room to plot.

-

"Mommy, is the person you like in our class?"

"Yes, Tamaki."

--

"Does the name of the person you like started with 'tsu'?"

"No, Tamaki."

---

"Is the person you like shorter than you?"

"No, Tamaki."

----

"Does the person you like enjoy the beach at sunset?"

"How, exactly, will that help?"

"Trust me, it's a really important factor in determining who Mommy likes."

"Yes, Tamaki."

-----

"What blood type is the person you like?"

"That's not a yes-or-no question."

"Oh, right."

----- ---

"Does the person you like have blonde hair?"

"Yes, Tamaki."

----- ----- -

"Does the person—"

"Stop!" Kyouya said in exasperation, slamming his glass onto the table and nearly shattering the thin crystal. Tamaki withdrew slightly, wondering what had made his friend so upset. "You have wasted eleven questions and four days asking useless questions, Tamaki," Kyouya hissed. "Are you any closer to finding your answer or should I just tell the twins to call this game off now?"

"I just have a few more things I need to find out," Tamaki said thoughtfully. "I think I'll have it figured out by Saturday night. That's a full day in advance! Are you proud of me?" Tamaki preened, looking adoringly at Kyouya for approval.

"If you're sure…" Kyouya said doubtfully. Tamaki deflated slightly, disappointed at the shadow king's dismissal. "What were you going to ask?"

"Does the person you like enjoy sleeping with the window open?" Tamaki asked, all sparkles as he awaited the answer. Kyouya sweatdropped.

"No… Tamaki…" he said weakly. Tamaki just smiled and placed his tray next to Kyouya's so they could eat lunch together.

----- ----- ----

"Kyouya!" Tamaki called, racing to catch up to the Ootori before he could enter his limo. He skidded up to Kyouya, nearly running into him and hunched over, gasping. Kyouya turned around, failing to keep his expression to mild curiosity.

"Idiot," he muttered, picking Tamaki up from his bent-over position. "You shouldn't run like that."

"But, I had to ask… before you left…" Tamaki said, ducking his head and blushing dramatically, "is the person you like…" and here Tamaki raised his head and swept his hair back dramatically, "susceptible to my charms?"

"You know," Kyouya said after a long pause, "I think that just might be the case." With that, he stepped in the limo, which pulled away from the curb, leaving Tamaki alone in front of the school.

"Alright!" Tamaki said, recovering swiftly. "Just two more questions and I will know." The king pulled a planner out of his pocket and drew a line through the third set of four tick marks on the page. He looked up and smiled slightly as the Suou limo pulled to a stop in front of him. On the way home, he worked calmly on homework. Tomorrow would see the secret revealed, one way or another, but there was a World History exam on Monday, and love and games were no excuse to let grades slip.

----- ----- -----

Tamaki pulled his cell phone out and flipped it open. He pressed "2" and watched as Kyouya's face, glaring from behind his omnipresent laptop, appeared on the small screen. The little phone vibrated slightly as a tinny ringing noise echoed from the earpiece. Tamaki smiled fondly at the slightly blurry image of his friend glowering at him as he snapped the picture before bringing the phone up to his ear.

"Tamaki…" the voice on the other end hissed menacingly. Tamaki's grin grew wider.

"Good morning, Mommy!" he chirped brightly, knowing full well how furious his best friend was.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" the venom-filled whisper asked.

"About… fifty-thirty, right?" Tamaki asked innocently, as though he had no idea what he was doing. He looked from the weak, grey dawn outside the window to the LCD display of his alarm clock.

"The time is currently five twenty-seven. You will pay me one hundred yen for every minute before my normal waking time you have wasted," Kyouya said. Tamaki could hear the scratching of a pen in the background and knew that Kyouya was making a note of that demand in the planner he kept next to his bed. Tamaki made a mental note to hide that book before his next early morning phone call.

"But Mommy," Tamaki whined theatrically, "I have a question for you."

"Tamaki, the person I like has three pools, can peel an orange and keep the entire peel together, generally picks the zebra on the carousel, and loves to play with a camera even though the pictures are generally blurry because that person cannot keep the camera still long enough to take the picture. What else could you possibly ask of me?"

"Does the person you like tend to give up easily?"

"On what?"

"Oh, anything, really…" Tamaki said, spinning about in his desk chair.

"No. Now can I sleep?" Kyouya's vexation was nearly tangible.

"Yeah, that would— Uwaa!" Tamaki cried as the wheels of the chair suddenly slipped and sent him spinning into his bookshelf. "Mommy, help!" he cried as books rained down around his head. From the phone, he barely heard Kyouya sigh.

----- ----- ----- -

"Are you coming home with me?" Kyouya asked, holding the door to the Ootori limo and looking impatiently over his shoulder.

"Remember, you only have tomorrow left," Hikaru said.

"And according to Kyouya-sempai's planner, you have four questions left," Kaoru added.

"I already know who it is," Tamaki said confidently. "I just have to ask one more question." Abruptly he switched from collected young man to begging child. "So can I please see just one page of that doujinshi? Just one corner? Just one—"

"Tamaki!" Kyouya called, bringing a fist down on the blonde's head. "Let's go."

"Bye bye!" Tamaki called to the twins as Kyouya dragged him away by his collar. They waved merrily back until Kyouya unceremoniously dropped the king on his rear and slammed the door to the limo. Tamaki laughed and made himself comfortable on the seat across from Kyouya.

"So tonight we are going to study Calculus and Geography, right?" Kyouya asked, glancing down at his planner.

"Yes, I believe we have an exam over chapters fourteen through sixteen in Calc on Wednesday," Tamaki said, bending his own head to his books. He peered through his bangs at Kyouya, wondering why he looked so startled. "Mommy? Did you answer the seven questions we were assigned two days ago?"

"What, no inane questions now?" Kyouya asked. Tamaki decided that it was only his imagination that the shadow king looked disappointed.

"I told you, I only need to ask one more question, so for now we need to focus on school, okay?" Tamaki said, wondering if Kyouya had heard him the first time. For his part, Kyouya simply shook his head and pulled a paper out from the pages of his book.

"Yes I worked those," he said. "On which one did you need help?"

The rest of the night proceeded much the same. Once the limo arrived at the Ootori mansion, the hosts studied together, then joined the rest of the family for dinner, where Yoshio doted on Tamaki. Throughout the evening, Kyouya kept looking suspiciously at Tamaki from behind his reflective lenses, which confused the Suou to no end. It seemed as though the shadow king expected him to turn into a snake and strike at any moment. But then, Kyouya always had to worry about nothing, and Tamaki noticed that this tendency doubled when he was involved and tripled when he was physically present. It was amusing, but it did make studying difficult.

"I want to look at the moon," Tamaki declared at last, standing and stretching. He looked down at Kyouya and offered him a hand as he would for one of his princesses.

"Tamaki, you know where the telescope is," Kyouya said, adjusting his glasses.

"I don't want to use a telescope," Tamaki protested, "and you need a break. Let's go onto the roof." He nudged closer to the Ootori.

"It's dangerous on the roof, idiot," Kyouya said, taking the offered hand and allowing Tamaki to pull him to his feet.

"You really do give up too easily," Tamaki said with a laugh, amused by Kyouya's feeble protests. He pulled the shorter boy out of the room and down the corridor, for he did know perfectly well where he was going.

Once on the roof, after dodging a few servants who would have asked awkward questions about their destination, Tamaki stood on the edge, heedless of the danger, and stared at the moon. The bright orb reflected off the skylights in a way that reminded the Suou of the glint of his best friend's glasses. Said best friend was reclining on a lounge chair swiped from the outdoor garden on the other end of the roof and glaring at the blonde with disapproval.

"Come sit before you break your neck," he said gruffly. Tamaki, hearing the underlying worry, perched on the end of the lounge and was rewarded when Kyouya reached over and ruffled his hair.

"The moon is really pretty tonight," he offered, hoping the Ootori would open himself a little.

"It's waning," Kyouya noted clinically. "New moon will occur in seven days, but the fools at the weather station say it will be cloudy, so we will not notice."

"Your eyes say you are worried," Tamaki noted, tuning the weather report out in lieu of Kyouya's emotions.

"I'm not—" Kyouya began, but stopped when Tamaki looked sadly at him. "Able to fool you, you overly perceptive idiot," he finished. "Tamaki, I would worry if you said you were going to change shirts on your own. When you say you already know who I like but need to ask one more question, I wonder what storm is on the horizon and how it will disrupt me further."

"Mommy worries about Daddy! Yay!" Tamaki cheered, reading past the spoken words.

"No, Mommy worries about everything in Daddy's path," Kyouya said darkly. Tamaki looked back up at the moon and then down to Kyouya's face. Silvery lines of light traced the edges of his features as he looked up at the king, everything perfectly schooled to read "neutral" except the grey eyes.

"Daddy thinks that he should have a midnight Host Club event so everyone can see how beautiful the vice-president looks in the moonlight," Tamaki whispered, unconsciously slipping into the tones he used to romance his customers. He reached down and cupped Kyouya's cheek with his hand before closing his eyes and gently kissing him. As he pulled away, he asked, "Did the person you like just kiss you in the moonlight?"

"Yes, Tamaki," Kyouya whispered.

----- ----- ----- --

"I guessed with one day and three questions left!" Tamaki shouted, slamming a hand down on the table in triumph, "so now you have to give me that doujinshi!"

"No way," Hikaru said, shaking his head. "Kyouya-sempai, he didn't really guess with a day and three questions left, did he?" Kyouya looked up from behind his laptop, glasses flashing evilly.

"He did actually," the Ootori said mildly. "Give him the doujinshi or it comes out of your pockets."

"Then who is it Kyouya-sempai likes?" Kaoru demanded as Hikaru cried over the loss of his beautiful doujinshi.

"Now, now," Kyouya said, standing and snapping his laptop shut, "the game was for Tamaki to determine who I like. If you want to know, you have to play. The prize is pictures of me kissing the one I love in the moonlight. I suggest you get busy." The shadow king smirked as he held the pictures up over his head, facing away from Hikaru and toward the door, and watched Hikaru grow more and more furious. They were all distracted by Haruhi's entrance, along with Mori and Honey.

"Oh, so Tamaki-sempai finally realized he is the one you love?" she said curiously, looking at the pictures, which were fully visible from the door. "I was wondering if I would have to dunk both your heads underwater before you noticed." Kyouya turned and gave her his favorite death glare while Hikaru grinned slowly from behind him. "Did I say something wrong?" Haruhi asked nervously.

All hell broke loose.


End file.
